… By Living in Understanding With Her. We’ve all been there- thought that we just knew what our spouse was saying to us, and then reacted in misunderstanding. The result: Unwanted Marriage Conflict.
Let me share ways I have learned to avoid this all together. Well, maybe not all together, … but I’m getting better there.
Make sure you understand her correctly
The problem is thinking we communicated when nothing of the sort has actually happened!
What I HAVE discovered about my wife is a super power she possesses. She can use hyper-intuition to sense when something is not right–like how cattle lay down before a bad storm hits. You know, when a little issue could blow up. She warns me not to press that issue.
But, you don’t need fantastic powers of sixth-sense perception to know when an issue is going to explode into a fight with your wife. You just need to ask 3 easy questions and stop marriage conflict in it’s tracks.
Just two days ago… My wife, Sarah, was at work (she is the best Mother-Baby nurse any new mother could ask for) and during her lunch break we were talking over the phone. I suggested that we make ourselves a little date that night … Click here if you want the rest of the story: Taking a step, back to think–So love can Advance 3 Big Jumps
Here is the 1st self-evaluating question:
- “Is what I think she said worth getting bent out of shape about”?
When you ask yourself this, you can rationally take a step back. It gives you the mental space to really think about what you thought you just heard come out of your wife’s mouth. Your sense of reason can normally short circuit your emotional reaction–if you just stop and ask that question.
Set aside enough time for her
I have discovered that easy does not always mean fast–especially marriage conflict resolution. When something is making my wife upset… (it really could be anything, cuz I am not the easiest person to live with) I have learned to ask her a self-evaluating question: … and the illustration here paints it puuur-fectly.
Essentially, I ask her to share with me how she is feeling. I ask her the 2nd question:
- “How are you feeling”?
And then I shut up.
When I listen to what she has to say without opening my big mouth she usually will open up to me and give me the whole low-down on what’s wrong.
Really listen to your wife and then…
ask the 3rd Marriage Conflict Question:
- “It sure sounds to me like you are feeling and thinking ____________. Now, did I follow you correctly?”
How Not to Stop Marriage Conflict
That last question got me better results than the time I abruptly asked her,
“What’s your problem”?
Followed by the ever popular,
“What on Earth are you talkin about”? with a puzzled look while scratching my scalp.
You live and learn! Right?
And, I think it wise to change up how you ask question #3 so you don’t sound like an insincere broken record. Probably the easiest way to accomplish the variety in the way your confirm all this mutual understanding going on is to change-up your use of the word “follow” in question #3.
Try using these for a start:
- Grasp What You Are Saying
- Learn from You
- Get the Idea
All this stuff that leads to harmony and happiness instead of anger, frustration and resentment is pure gravy!
There are various ways to ask question #3 all-together, but I will save that advanced stuff for another go around of this subject. But, for now let me know you are alive and have stories of your own to share and thoughts on this subject by happily leaving a comment below–You’ll be Glad you did!