Fixing conflict between you and your spouse can be difficult. But with work and commitment it is possible to have a “50-50 marriage“!
Somehow the disagreements have caused more and more hurt and misunderstanding than simple disagreements should create in what used to be your happy marriage.
I can relate, because in the beginning of my marriage, my wife and I fought about how each of us felt embarrassed or aggravated concerning the way the other spouse did things. Each of us felt degraded by the other, concerning who each of us were as individual people. We were selfish and mostly used each other for our own purposes. That made it impossible for us to mutually give freely and lovingly to each other what each other really needed. We weren’t partners for each other.
It seemed that all we could share about each other together were just our disappointments with each other. When your conflicts started to become hurtful, I bet that you were feeling the same way as we did, and you feel that the kind of cooperation that you promised each other at the wedding alter slipping away.
Principles of Successful Negotiations
In successful negotiations, the key to being able to have a 50-50 marriage is deciding to respect your spouse while understanding the way your spouse thinks. That is a choice to Love him or her Deeply! It is crucial for you to understand what your spouse really wants. That means if you figure-out what they are willing to “give” in order to “get” you can negotiate with them at a better position of compromise. This means that you can negotiate with your spouse starting from his or her minimum, yet still acceptable, desired-outcome.
In marriage that is the make-or-break point of a spouse’s willingness to negotiate in a marriage in crisis. If your partner cannot at least get ‘that’ level of support in the relationship, he or she will probably refuse to negotiate any further. Demanding more compromise beyond ‘that’ point will likely cause him or her to give-up and end the marriage negotiations or the marriage. In marriage, that point is when the partner expects you to stop being you, as the person you are inside.
The second key to successful marriage negotiations involves understanding those same points; what I call the minimum yet optimal-desired compromise-point both you and your spouse are willing to have compromised. To make it work you need to see if this point in how far you are willing to negotiate will work with how your spouse is willing to go. Beyond that point the two-of you in your marriage negotiations will get nowhere.
The third rule of successful marriage negotiation is understanding that absolutely everyone wants to be respected and “50-50 marriage” negotiations will break down if there is a lack of respect from one or both of the parties.
The last part about successful marriage negotiations is that as stated prior, each party cannot expect the other party to change who they are and how they do things, the point here is that successful negotiation can only come if each party is willing to change how they treat each other and not put undue expectations on each other; to meet each other in the middle. Can you see how these negotiation principles relate to the success of your marriage relationship since you and your partner are no doubt very different as a man and as a woman? This is a principle that you must take into account when you think, “how can I have a 50-50 marriage“.
How to make the marriage work
You and your partner can, without feeling used, manipulated and hurt by each other, find that while each of you consider, “how can I have a 50-50 marriage that can be saved and what are the needs of my partner” each of you need to make changes in the way you treat and deal with each other so that both of you can say, “I have done what it takes to have that kind of marriage”
Marital Success can be negotiated.