“Give the people what they want!” . . . goes the marketing maxim of our day. When it comes to “anger management techniques” and marriage issues there is a gulf between what people want and what they need.
by James Hess
There are many anger management techniques available. At work . . . upholding good behavior and stress management keeps employment gainful.
Running to the coffee machine so you can escape conflict, counting to ten, breathing techniques, and asking God for the strength to overcome this momentary temptation are all common.
Being able to unload frustration through sharing anger with your mate is a great follow through technique. But what to do when he or she does not appreciate being dumped on–or worse resents the time, energy, and singular focus put into your work?
Sometimes, what we want to do with our lives is so different from what God wants for us
So, what do most men want to do in these situations? Say you just came home from a hard day at work, and you are stonewalled by your mate. Without an outlet to share the frustration, what do most guys do to unload their frustration?
- Stonewall our mate? (i.e., silent treatment, while withholding emotional connection)
- “Passive Aggressive” sarcasm
- Break things
I know a lot of guys would like nothing better than to exert their frustration right through their fist, punching a huge hole in the wall! I call it the “termite time” anger management techniques.
If I were a smart man I would simply start my own contracting company to build “termite time” rooms. They would be built just for the use of husbands who need a serious wall hole punching room. I could then run a dry wall repair company to patch up those holes so that there is room for new ones to be made. But, we all know that that is not the real answer, no matter how appealing that sounds.
The right ways to use anger management techniques when you are home after work
- Breath in slowly through your nose
- Breath out a cleansing breath slowly out your mouth
- Ask, “Is there a good time to talk about what is causing my vein to bulge in my forehead?”
- Ask Jesus for help in this moment of mounting anger
- Refocus attention by asking how her day was
- Choose to love her and wait for her to be ready to listen
This is a good start toward building a love that is gentle, kind, and ready to “walk the line.” Just the way Jesus would have it from his Sermon on the mount.
And, I don’t think Jesus would be apposed to other forms of releasing anger that are “constructive.” Perhaps you could consider getting a drum set to beat on, instead of the walls.