Unlock 3 Secrets to Marriage Success By Practicing Christian Marriage Counseling Together.
What a novel idea! Well, novel to “Do-It-Yourself-ers” that is.
DIY guys (and gals) like getting their hands into a project, and who use their own ingenuity and resourcefulness to get a job done. I think you and I are like that. Often in my marriage Sarah and I have had to start our own counseling sessions for each other and each time our intimacy grows in leaps and bounds! I laser focus on intimacy… YEAH!
Or, maybe you like my friend. He stunned me by saying,
“Well, if it gets to the point where we have to go see a marriage counselor, then it is time to get that divorce”!
I wondered about what my friend (who shall remain anonymous) meant when he said that.
I don’t know if I disagree with him though. What I mean is that all too often we wait until the house is burnt to ashes… barely able to breath through the black smoke of the fire,
… And, after we have run out of hot dogs to roast over the inferno of our house before we will call the fire department. Not really! Right? So, why do many folks wait until the marriage is a smoldering heap of ashes before seeking help? If help is even searched for at all.
Secret #1: Know The Difference Between “Attention” and “WARNING” Signs
Each DVD you own at the beginning talks about the license the owner gave to the distributor to copy and earn money on the intellectual property of the created video.
Then it gives a “WARNING” to all who might step out of the bounds of that license and pirate that intellectual property. There is a big difference between “Attention” and “WARNING.” It is always best to put out each fire in your marriage the minute that a problem has come to your attention.
This reminds me of that music video “We Didn’t Start the Fire.” Billy Joel kept his cool in a house inferno as he strolls down 50 years of world history, but should you keep your cool? If you are proactive in solving your marriage issues, then you will put out fires before they become the warning signs of a 4 Alarm Divorce Fire that requires professional help. Here’s how.
Secret #2: Listen Up with each other
The first thing that needs to be done in any marriage when the curtains catch on fire is rip out that fire extinguisher that each marriage has that comes in the form of coming to listening to each other until an agreement is made.See what Proverbs 18:13 has to say about that along with some other very helpful scripture verses here on the subject of love.
Feelings may be hurt, a fight may have been started, and resolution may be no where in sight. Still, come back together, and take turns listening to each other. Give each person a turn. Make sure that the one who is not talking simply listens without interruption.
#3: Remember the “Who” – No I’m not talking about that 60′s band
It is important to accept “who” it is that you married. That’s that. Acceptance is the key to recovery. You married an individual that cannot conform to your expectations. Not only are they a different sex than you, they are a different person with different feelings, values, and ideas about how the marriage and life needs to develop. Plus, if your spouse feels free to be themselves, then they will have an easier time developing into the kind of person that you can strengthen your marriage with.
If you still need professional marriage counseling, then first make sure your spouse wants to see a professional–And, then go about asking friends who in your church or social group who have had success for referrals to a well balanced counselor who has a track record of success and never stop short at finding a good one. Your pastor might be a good place to start also, but really shop around for the best that you can afford. And, take the 3 Secrets you learned above with you to each session.
Please share your thoughts. Got any more suggestions for DIY marriage counseling? You know how to write in your awesome thoughts below in the comments.