A marriage relationship is a lot like the effect of putting two magnets together. You know what I am talking about. All of us at one time or another have played with magnets.
There is a type of invisible field that is shared when magnets stick together or refuse to come together. In relationships, that invisible field that can act like magnets do — is our feelings.
Here is a secret that will help your world of communication within your marriage become more intimate and free from outbursts of anger.
When issues flare…
When you do tell your mate that you are angry about something they did — only use statements that use, “I feel” statements that describe how what they did or said made you feel. This opens up discussion about each of your feelings instead of feeling attacked by what your mate is feeling. However, this is not so easy to do in life.
A broken marriage becomes that way when individual needs are neglected. That neglect causes a break down in mutual sharing of intimacy, unity, and communication. Sometimes this happens because we simply do not know exactly makes a mate feel loved.
Now, this is easy to do… since men and women have very different personal needs. The kind of needs that are most important to each in the relationship.
A man’s most important need
Wives, your husbands primal need is big time respect. And… it is a big part of his sex drive! When a husband gets dissed at home — his sex drive get dissed too!
“In a national study of 400 men, 74% said that they would
rather be separated and detached from the world than being
disrespected and feeling inadequate. Men see criticism as
hidden contempt and 81.5% feel deliberate disrespect from
their wife when in conflict. So, 85% of men flee the
conflict situation from their wife in an attempt to calm
himself down so he doesn’t “blow up.” http://www.techsn.com/thechangeagent/2009/02/he-needs-she-needs.html
A well intentioned mistake
“Fight or flight” makes him run away from the issue that needs to be resolved. It keeps him from regretting his potential violent reaction.
To him, it’s the right course of action, while she just feels rejected.
Women’s most important need
Husbands, your wife’s primal need is unconditional love. This emotional need is the key to her desire to open up physically to any kind of romantic advances. She needs to feel emotionally connected through love with you.
Women verbalize with other women to solve conflicts. Women need relational connection and understanding to achieve reconciliation – the opposite of what men do.
Make a feelings connection
Go ahead and ask your mate what is the best way you can meet their primal need. What will follow is a beautiful love and respect connection. This technique works great after you have learned about communication from the last blog post. Click here to check it out. It’s the stuff amazing marriages are made of! If you liked… or disliked what you read here, then please share your thoughts with a comment!
After all, if there was not love connection in the first place, then there would be no marriage to save.