Many couples feel stuck in dry marriages.
My wife, Sarah and I help many such people find healing and intimacy again in the forum: TalkAboutMarriage.com. Sarah and I work together to take what we have learned in our own marriage to help other couples who are in marriage troubles. That’s us!
Often we hear: ”He doesn’t bother to understand my needs enough to make it worth my while!”
“She just stopped wanting me right after we got married…”
“How can I ever have an “intimate marriage” again”?
Clear signs of disappointments and hurt!
Those frustrations in the marriage come from the differences in how men and women handle sex and intimacy. For husbands, it is mostly physical and for wives it is emotional. This is an intimacy problem most marriages face.
My marriage was saved because I acted fast and gave the process plenty of time to work.
Truth be told, it was really just selfishness on my part. I became wrapped up with making things work for my career that I left behind my wife and family.
With the help of my wonderful wife and these 3 steps my marriage got back on track and is better than ever. Sure, it took some time. Her feelings were hurt; her emotions needed time to mend.
Your marriage will probably need time to work these things out too.
btw, Read to the end of the article and you can team up with us to save marriages!
Let’s face it, in many marriages the husband just wants to have things fixed as soon as possible. What makes sense to him is this; “Let’s get this problem solved. And, let’s get it solved right now.” Therefore, men often just want to get down to business when it comes to sex.
A wife wants to feel things through and come to emotional happiness. So a wife really needs to feel that an emotional connection has been made. She wants to know that her husband cares about how she feels, and that he will just listen and be there for her.
Truth is, there is a bit of both at play in most intimate marriages.
You too can have a passion-filled intimate marriage again. Here are 3 easy steps to rebuild desire for each other again.
Step #1: Accept Your Differences – Solve the Conflict
Can her need for emotional connection work with his need to feel strong and in control?
A husband that patiently listens to his wife share how she feels about any problem “at all” has an upper hand over the “fix it quick” husband next door. If a husband will listen to his wife’s point first without taking it personal…
… or trying to fix the problem right away will have his chance to fix it after he uses this BIG PAYOUT technique!
The “Strip-Phrase” technique: The Golden Slot Machine
It really does pay to care about the needs of each other.
That said, A husband can simply listen; say just a few of the RIGHT things…
And Every One Wins!
He should first listen to whatever his wife wants to share with him paying attention to her emotional state. It is best that a husband consider what she had to say, and then when it is his turn to talk start off by saying the following:
“Let me see if I understood you correctly,…” then he should roughly restate back to her what she just said; asking if he got it right when he is finished.
If the wife tells him that he got it right, he should say something like:
“I want to handle this with x,y, and z, but can you help me understand how I can help you work through a,b, and/or c emotions?”
The subtle beauty of this method shows a wife that her husband is a man who cares enough to listen to her with understanding about her relational needs. She feels loved emotionally, and he gets to feel like he did something to solve the problem.
Mastering this technique in your marriage is a Big Jackpot winning step toward regaining your intimate marriage again. In fact if you did only this step of communication, then there is a good chance that the rest would probably pan out in the end.
But keep reading. It only gets better from here!
By the way, wives can use this technique on their husbands, but they probably don’t have to work as hard at getting it right.
Next, take these 2 hands-on steps to heal hurt and mistrust both of you felt in the past. Doing so can reawaken the romance in your marriage Big Time!
Step #2: Accept who they are as a person…
Can you Accept your spouse for who they are?
If you can, it will go a long way in being able to get their forgiveness. As a result, your spouse will trust your honesty and appreciation of them. This is the cement that solidifies your confidence in your role in the relationship. The healing process begins from your willingness to accept your mate for who they are as a person. Pure and simple.
Can you understand exactly where your spouse is coming from, what matters to them, and what hurts them?
If so, then the pain they caused you will not seem like such an attack on who you are as a person. It will seem more like a result of their upbringing and way of handling conflict–not because they are at war with you.
This will help you grow in character, which will in turn make you more attractive to your spouse. It may even inspire them to handle conflict with you in healthier ways.
That’s a win-win in my book.
… Then Find Forgiveness
A heartfelt apology can open up the trust of your spouse in a powerful way. Apologize clearly, directly, and look directly into your spouse’s eyes.
Instead of mumbling, “Oh, I’m sorry,” look at your mate’s eyes and tell him or her, “I am sorry for X.
I am sorry for making you feel like the way I made you feel. Will you please forgive me?”
Honesty is an open door towards greater intimacy. It flows from trust built upon deeper understanding of each other as your relationship grows!
Step #3: Accept Risks
This is the hard part. Having intimacy isn’t taken, it is shared and experienced together. It is a matter of risk.
Risk taking can be very attractive to your spouse. Even if a mistake is made by you, remember you can ask forgiveness and pick up from there.
Unconditional love is risky… but the rewards far outweigh the trouble. Unconditional love is the life blood of strong, intimate marriages –
I say, “Get it no matter how much you try.”
Money can be spent away and gifts can be replaced, but it is giving of yourself and giving of your own time that will matter most to your spouse. If you choose to focus on the positive, not his or her faults, then you will see BIG results.
This goes back to accepting who your spouse is as a person, but now you embrace the good and the bad.
I Rebuilt My Intimate Marriage & You Can Too!
Let’s be real here. You want the feelings of thrill and joy that come with having an intimate marriage. You want feelings of happiness and harmony that can strongly bind you and your spouse together.
Can you relate to starving for these feelings?
I know that I can!
Don’t let that go on for one more day! Start making these changes in yourself and your relationship right now?
- Accept Your Differences in order to Solve Conflict with the Strip Phrase technique
- Seek First to Accept… Then Find Forgiveness
- Accept Risks
Now here’s the hard part. You will have to be patient. These things take time!
But, you can take the impact of these steps and carry them forward into your lovemaking! I made a short video with a few extra tips for making a wife want her husband again. I use these tips all the time and they have made my marriage feel fun, exciting, and that much more intimate. Check it out!
Share with others the success you have found in regaining your intimate marriage through communication by leaving a comment. Who knows, it may just save someone’s marriage!