Taking a step, back to think–So love can Advance 3 Big Jumps

 

Sometimes misunderstand your mate? Here are 3 easy ways to launch connection into outer space!

Sometimes misunderstand your mate? Here are 3 easy ways to launch connection into outer space!

… By Living in Understanding With Her. Just two days agoMy wife, Sarah, was at work (she is the best Mother-Baby nurse any new mother could ask for) and during her lunch break we were talking over the phone. I suggested that we make ourselves a little date that night … here at the house.

We have had a LOT on our plates lately: kids, homeschooling, blogging, housework, work … Sarah works three, twelve hour shifts a week. This week her schedule was terrible. It had her working two twelves in a row–one day off–followed by two more twelves in a row.

I knew that the stress was beginning to depress her, so I wanted to steal away some time amidst the chaos.

I thought, “If I could just get the kids to bed early,” on the evening before her day off, we could steal away an hour just to talk and cheer eachother up. I didn’t think it was too much to ask. She could still sleep in.

I had all the bases covered right? Wrong. She slapped down that idea fast because she was tired and wanted to get sleep at all cost.

Here’s where it gets messy… I misunderstood her when she said, “It won’t make things better anyway.”

I thought she was saying that things “Never” work out when we talk things through.

It hit a live wire in me, and I didn’t take the time to respect her wishes and move on from it all.

I was quick with her. I hung up the phone angry. And, later that night, I slammed doors around while she slept. You think that helped her sleep deprivation and depression?

We have worked it out, after a bunch of unnecessary drama, and we are now in a place of understanding. But, I have to ask myself, are my occasional total flip-outs like a total freak really necessary?

So that brings me to the 1st self-evaluating question:

  • “Is what I think she said worth getting bent out of shape about”?

When you ask yourself this, you can rationally take a step back. It gives you the mental space to really think about what you thought you just heard come out of your wife’s mouth. Your sense of reason can normally short circuit your emotional reaction–if you just stop and ask that question.

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