Ken Maynard – Keep Marriage Alive

How is marriage mediation different from marriage counselling? Many people ask the question, “How is a marriage mediation different from marriage counselling?” and “Can a marriage mediator help us if we were unable to be helped by couples therapy?” Yes, there is a distinct difference between marriage counselling (or couples therapy) and marriage mediation. And yes, couples are often helped by marriage mediation when marriage counselling has failed to help them. Marriage counselling is performed by a range of professionals, mostly with training and background in mental health areas, such as social work and psychology. Marriage counselling generally incorporates diagnosis, therapy and treatment of personality and relationship problems. The types of information gathered and used by a marriage counsellor might include family history and personal and sexual history. Marriage counsellors are able to identify neurotic behaviour and symptoms of mental disorder and illness and can use that data in the counselling. A marriage counsellor will aim to use analytic skills to provide context for parties and help them understand their behaviours, thereby alleviating marriage conflict. What Issues can be addressed During Marriage Mediation? There are common themes mediators see in their offices. Couples tend to discuss issues related to money, fidelity, and children. These topics are a hotbed for heated fights and emotional withdrawal. In this situation, the reason no longer prevails. It’s no wonder couples can’t seem to resolve conflict in many situations. Mediation seeks to assist you with any conflict that needs resolution. It’s one of many solutions to address a deadlocked relationship. Some couples find a third-party to be insightful. His or her guidance is critical to the discussion. Married parties have found private conversation no longer helpful. Arguments become circular in nature. Mediators can help you clear that hurdle. Mediation to save your Marriage It’s normal to consider divorce when going through a rough patch in your marriage. Maybe you and your spouse have been to counselling. When that didn't work, all hope seemed lost. Perhaps you both know that you don’t want to leave the marriage thinking, “What If?” Rather than give up, there’s another option to repair your marriage. Marriage mediation is gaining popularity among families. It's an option to address problems without divorce. Hiring a mediator may be the right solution for your relationship. A Marriage Mediator can: Help both spouses address their needs Use clinical techniques to discover hidden areas for improvement Create written plans for couples and their lawyers to follow Be used as needed to resolve the marriage conflict between both parties Couples that attend mediation come from diverse backgrounds and marriages. Maybe you’ve been a couple for decades. Maybe you are just starting to discuss premarriage issues. No matter your situation, marriage mediation may be able to help your marriage. What Is Marriage Mediation? Traditional Mediation for Practical Couples Traditional mediation approaches the process from a rational viewpoint. Discussions focus on facts rather than emotions. The goal of the session is to break down barriers to open a dialogue. Separated couples with assets and children are a good fit for this process. Integrative mediation is a total approach to save your marriage. Your discussions receive the benefit of an accredited mediator. Plus, integrative mediation can address emotional discord. Some mediators even work with licensed therapists (or are licensed themselves). Couples can address concrete issues that exist within the marriage. Your Family is in Control of the Process Mediation is a less-formal choice before going through a divorce. You and your spouse are in the driver’s seat. This is what makes it a popular choice for couples who don’t want to divorce. Ultimately, both parties decide what’s best for the family. Integrative Mediation for a Comprehensive Outlook Integrative mediation is a total approach to save your marriage. Your discussions receive the benefit of an accredited mediator. Plus, integrative mediation can address emotional discord. Some mediators even work with licensed therapists (or are licensed themselves). Couples can address concrete issues that exist within the marriage. Your Family is in Control of the Process Mediation is a less-formal choice before going through a divorce. You and your spouse are in the driver’s seat. This is what makes it a popular choice for couples who don’t want to divorce. Ultimately, both parties decide what’s best for the family. Final Thoughts and Considerations Contrary to belief, mediation isn’t a precursor to divorce. Mediation to save marriages is a useful tool for couples who need help. It’s a process that allows you to transform your relationship by putting guidelines in place. Spouses tend to meet goals since personal effort is a factor during a divorce. If mediation can't save your marriage, divorce mediation is the next step. You can even use the same mediator. He or she understands you as well as a couple. You may be able to save time and money as a result. It's important to choose the right mediator the first time around. Work with a Mediator You Can Trust Marriage mediation may be a good option for you and your partner. At Family Harbour Marriage Mediation, we know that we can help. You don't have to take us at our word. Contact our family mediation team, today for useful information. You can schedule an initial consultation by completing our online form. We look forward to learning about how we can serve your family. Mediation is dispute resolution The approach of marriage mediation is different. Mediation is dispute resolution. Marriages are filled with disputes, big and small. When a couple has an unproductive manner of arguing and settling differences, the marriage suffers. If this problem is intractable and pervasive, the marriage can fail. The amazing thing is that it is often the tiny, petty, little annoyances in a marriage that take the greatest toll on married couples and can lead to divorce. These are easily identified and resolved by mediation techniques. Help resolve negative interactions The marriage mediator works with a couple to help them resolve ongoing specific disputes and negative recurring interactions. The emphasis is on analyzing the communication of the couple and training them to have more productive styles of negotiation. The marriage mediator can notice disconnects and misunderstandings between the couple, even a couple who have been in a marriage of many years. These misunderstandings can be evident in the first half hour of a marriage mediation session. Work with specific financial issues The marriage mediator can work with specific financial issues in a very direct way, such as business issues, and financial planning issues that need to be resolved. This is because most marriage mediators are divorce mediators, who are experienced in financial issues. These financial issues, if not resolved, can lead to divorce. If a couple chooses a marriage mediator who is also a divorce mediator, the marriage mediator can give a disputing couple an education on what divorce. How Does Marriage Mediation to Stay Married Work? Marriage mediation to stay married seeks to tackle the tough subjects of a marriage. The best outcome results in a plan to address your issues. In tandem with your mediator, you take the following steps toward resolution: • Pin-pointing problems for both people to help identify which issues are most relevant • Setting goals and outcomes that are reasonable • Using dispute resolution techniques to understand each other • Highlighting inconspicuous opportunities for moving forward • Creating a concrete plan to implement in the marriage Marriage mediation occurs at a neutral space. The mediator's office is a good place. Both parties may have an attorney present, but he or she cannot interrupt. The mediator begins by affirming his or her neutrality. He or she provides guidelines to both parties. After confirming that you both understand, discussions can begin. Every mediator has his or her method to resolve issues. You can ask about his or her approach during your initial consultation. What Makes It Effective in Saving Marriages? Mediation is a practical way to address problems with each other. It creates a high-impact result in a short time period. In fact, it allows space to move through issues with open discussion. Couples may even begin negotiation sessions. You can use specific directives when you return home. Mediators provide you with tools to accomplish this task. Mediation uses dispute resolution techniques. Your mediator uses active listening and reframing. This helps the discussion to move forward. Marriage Mediation to Stay Married is a good option for couples resistant to therapy. How Much Does Marital Mediation Cost? It’s well-known that a divorce can become quite expensive. After paying for fees and costs, some couples aren't left with much. Some even deplete their bank accounts just to escape each other. Some divorcing couples aren’t sure if it’s the right thing to do. They wonder if they could have done anything further to save the marriage. What are the Hourly Rates? Marital mediation acts as another layer toward decision-making in a far more cost-effective manner. Mediators may charge between $195-$500 an hour. Each mediator spends an average of 10 hours on each case. This amount is a far cry from the expense of going through divorce proceedings. IS Marital Mediation is Not Covered by Private Insurance Be aware that your private insurer does not cover mediation. The process is legal in nature. However, short-term meetings coupled with the lower costs are viable. It's an attractive option for cost-conscious couples. Do we have to put it in Writing? You are not required to put anything in writing. That said, most people choose to for their records and review. It helps keep everyone on track through the written word. If you and your spouse prefer to have a verbal agreement, that’s okay. We offer prenuptial or post-nuptial agreement services. Some couples are looking for a comprehensive process. Is Marriage Mediation Legally Binding? The short answer? No, marriage mediation is not binding from a legal standpoint. But that does not mean it doesn't carry weight in court. Your mediator must act as a neutral party in good faith. The idea is to advocate for both people in the marriage. He or she cannot provide legal advice while maintaining those standards. It would be a conflict of interest if mediation was binding. Counsellors vs. Mediators: What's the Difference? It’s vital to remember that mediation is not a form of therapy. That designation is for licensed counsellors addressing emotions. The main difference between the two lies in the method of problem-solving. Counsellors address emotional issues. Mediators approach them from a legal perspective. Marriage counsellors are trained to rebuild a damaged relationship. A mediator is akin to someone who looks out for the marriage. Both methods may impact a divorce if you file for one in the future. A marriage mediator's notes may be part of divorce proceedings. Rest assured they are not part of public record. Transcripts and agreements can come to light when making tough decisions. Who are Marriage Mediators? Marriage mediators are people licensed to intervene outside of court. Most of the time, they’re lawyers or former judges. Some even specialize in family law. These professions are poised to best assist married people. Their careers provide the credentials, insight, and knowledge to mediate these issues. Qualifications of a Mediator in Canada Each province in Canada has its own set of rules. Hopeful mediators must meet stringent requirements. A strict continuing education is a condition by licensing bodies. Mediators are required to carry malpractice insurance before they apply. The fundamental aspects are simple. Finding someone that you and your spouse both like is critical to your success. Take the time to vet mediators. There are many of them out there. They want to find clients who are comfortable employing their services