Remembering what you want to still Appreciate in your mate!
Marriage is a relational commitment that has within it the possibilities of bringing about incredible joy and happiness, and also deep wounding and resentment. So, do you still hold on to the hope that things will work out for the best.
Do daydream about how your relationship with your spouse used to be when you both got married? Were those good times or bad times? I have often spent time remembering how my wife and I used to feel together when we first got married. There were times that I felt that things could never get better than they used to be. Now, I feel much different about that. I “remember us”, I remember how she and I used to be together… and that helps me to realize that even when things feel so hard, that we can have that sense of harmony again.
Remember Us: How to Save A Marriage from Divorce!
The beginning of every effort to Save Your Marriage
We all have expectations of how we want our lives to turn out, and when we decide to marry someone the stakes are raised and our perception of the future becomes a lot more complicated. Remembering how the good times felt can be the beginning of a winning streak of making the relationship feel even better than it ever had felt before.
Try to make it the first thing you do
Even when difficulties and relational strains enter into a “remember us” type marriage relationship that may lead to opposition between you and your spouse. Then the feeling of fight or flight occurs. The very first thing to do is to Re-Remember.
- Take one second to remember that person you married and first remember the commitment of “till death do us part”.
- Then remember the feelings of love and appreciation you had for your spouse on that wedding day.
- Remember the vows of “oneness” that you took together. This does not have to take long to do.
The power of appreciative thoughts!
There are several steps to take to resolve conflict “no matter how great” within a marriage relationship and they will be addressed throughout the many articles on this site. I believe the first thing to do is to calm down by thinking appreciative thoughts about your spouse and your marriage to ground you to the foundation of your marriage before taking further steps to manage relationship issues.
Try it out and see if it does not help you to appreciate the best qualities of your spouse and see if it will work wonders in sparking up the interest you have for your spouse for who they are as a person now.
Ask Your Spouse, “Remember Us?”
Then when things calm down, share those memories with your spouse. Find the wedding album, make a family scrapbook and ask your spouse, “Remember Us?”
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See if during a time of truce or a lull in any conflicts within the marriage if asking him or her, “Remember Us” if that does not bring the same thoughts of nostalgic appreciation within the thoughts of your estranged spouse. Simple memories of the wedding day, the birth of your child or any other joyous memories, that can be introduced by asking “do you remember when?” or again, “remember us?”
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Remember Us Bonus: “The Story” of the love and marriage of Keep Marriage Alive Founders
The first installment of the story of my wife, Sarah and I is below. The rest of the installments will be made available on a link to the next blog post of my saga story to you as soon as it is ready to be posted.
The beginning of the story we retell to each other when we need to “remember us!”
“I love to illustrate, paint, and write!
Sometimes, if I am adventurous, I mesh all three together in
a big work of art.
It turns out that an art buddy of mine was the girlhood best
friend of Sarah, the woman who is now my wife.
I still remember that fateful day like it was yesterday!
Just looking at how my wife has retained her pristine beauty
makes it easy to do this.
This boy meets girl story has kind of an interesting first
impression attached to it. I was kinda artsy fartsy back then.
I wore fancy tab collared shirts, and carried an umbrella, or
Kinda like Hue Heffner wears a bath robe and smokes a pipe!
Anyways, when I was introduced to Sarah, I kissed her hand!
I was totally floored by how sweet, and beautiful she was. I
could not help myself.
She became a ray of sunshine in an otherwise dark period
of my life. As we became friends, I soon became a very tardy
student. I was always late to so many classes, because I would
wait for her to get out of a class, and then walk her to her
next class before racing to get to my own class.
We talked on the phone every day, and became new best friends.
As our friendship grew my love for her grew as well.
Remember Us: The Vision I had one night
One night I had a vision of our future. In the vision, I was in
the Army,and then later in the vision, Sarah & I were a married
couple together while being missionaries to some far off country.
She and I were sitting across from each other — face-to-face
with a glowing fire between us. I saw this fire as the glowing
fire of the unity candle that newly married couples light together
on their wedding day.
From that night on, I became a man of vision with a purpose
to pursue. I pursued that vision.
Remember Us: Joining the US Army
I joined the US Army, it was easy to do because
one of my uncles was an Army recruiter out of Brooksville,
Florida. I joined through a local recruiter and was off to
Fort Sill, Oklahoma. Do not get me wrong. This was very tough!
I started out sort of like a clueless idealist! I was not
a well trained soldier in the beginning. Few really are.
The catch phrase of one of my Drill Sergeants was, “You tell
your Momma, and your Papa, they raised themselves a piece of
In fact, I work real hard to become well trained and able
to do something I set my mind to! Things in life do not come
easily for me. It takes an extra helping of pure heart to
persevere and master something!
Eventually, I made 1 of my Drill Sergeants Proud! That
other Drill Sergeant still thought most of us were pieces of
s#*t! Go figure!
The fact I know for certain that I will work hard at
whatever I find important is very important in deed. It is
one of the keys for the success of my marriage!
Three years pass and in all that time, Sarah and I
remained the closest of long distance friends. I never let
go of my love for her that started that day I met her and
kissed her hand.
Remember Us: The Best Christmas Present I have EverReceived!
Picking up where I left off, One Christmas shortly before
I would be promoted to the rank of Sergeant, I visited my family
and most importantly I answered a call to visit Sarah at her
request. I did what any man who is madly in love with the
woman of his dreams would do, I borrowed my grandparent’s car.
One that subsequently had a bad radiator, which caused the car
to overheat repeatedly on the way to her house.
Perhaps, it was the fire raging in my heart to be with her
that did it, but I am pretty sure the radiator was to blame.
I finally get to her house, we talk for the night. We go
out to eat. We go back to her house, and then in her back yard,
she tells me that she loves me!!! I was so dense then that I
said in reply, “I know Sarah, I love you too, Merry Christmas”!
Remember Us: She Confessed her love
She pulled me closer and said, “No James, you don’t get it.
My heart has changed for you. I no longer think of you as a
friend or brother. I LOVE YOU!”
I could not believe my ears. Five years as best friends,
while I felt so much desperate love for her. Of course, she
knew I loved her and that I had waited for her!
Now all of the waiting culminated in the turning point of
my life with those 4 words, “James, I love you!”
Now this is just the beginning of our story. We discussed
marriage that very night. It was certain in our minds!
However…, We did not know just how hard a road it would be
to get to the alter!
Remember Us: The birth of “Keep Marriage Alive”
This was the birth of “Keep Marriage Alive“, in Sarah’s
and my heart at least. The beginning of “Keep Marriage Alive”
was the first step in realizing that we could “Live” out the
beginning of that vision of “Us”! I had that vision three
and half years before any of this ever happened.
And it would be another two and a half years before I
would even tell Sarah about the vision that I had about “Us.”
Much was still to be recognized about ourselves. And, we
did not even have a clue of all of the things we would have
to come to grips with.
Remember Us: Someday we would be Man & Wife!
For that day. We were in love and someday, we would be
man and wife! That was all that mattered to us. This was also
the beginning of the end of my Army “coming of age” experience.
You see, it was the growing up that I did in the Army, while
still reaching out to touch her heart that changed the way
she felt about me.
Thousands of miles distance between us over the course of
3 years made no difference. What made the difference was a change
in my character in her eyes.
Use your story as a point of reference for falling back in love… if you drifting apart.
So, I recommend that both of you have ‘remember us” moments as much as possible.
Think back. Use any opportunity to have a “remember us” moment to reflect about all of your accomplishments together… what you did to fall in love.
Hold on to that! Remind each other often. Perhaps, it can be the beginning of the rest of your marriage!”