Every now and then I like to switch gears and share a principle or two that is not strictly about saving one’s marriage. There is an old saying, “Just an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.” How about keeping it strong so that it can hold up under the pressures of life and relationship issues?
That is why I will share with you in this short article the principle of the “woodshed.”
It is simple really… And, it won’t take but a minute to illustrate…
The power of the “woodshed.”
What the heck is the “woodshed”?
I’m glad you asked. It all goes back to my in-laws. You see, both of my in-laws loves them some ~~Jazz music~~
That has always been cool with me. Just about every time we visit them there is a supreme chance that we will be scatting to… and listening to old time Jazz! I learned a jazz term there that means something cool. It means that even though jazz is largely improvised musical jams… they are very difficult rhythms and melodies. I’m talking about the kind of stuff that eventually become orchestrated songs. It takes a lot of practice to get those tunes sounding good.
That time practicing playing and putting together workable melodies takes a lot of practice. When a jazz player is going to practice… they’ll tell you, “Hey, I’m off to the woodshed.”
It is a figure of speech that means, “I’m going to practice my music.”
Communicating with a spouse can be the same way. Don’t believe me?
Check this. You can be talking with your mate, or working on something together. There might be some part of what he or she is saying, or doing to you that might really aggravate you. The “music” (communication) you and your mate are making might get off on the wrong track, and start to get out of harmony together.
You have a choice to make in that second of decision when things can continue to flow smoothly or get “syncopated to all Hell”, or worse become “ugly staccato”! That’s just some music lingo for sounding a bit off, and not harmonious.
This practice makes passion, not perfection
So practice choosing the encouraging response.
If you chose to turn your complaint into a positive thing, then you and your mate can go back to making beautiful music together. A better time to talk about what is ‘urking’ you would be when the situation is over and you can tell your mate how you feel about the issue that offended you.
Want an example? Here’s a related sample conversation choice of how you can turn an offense into something your relationship can build upon from the KMA facebook fan page.
“Hey, It was so good to help you. We had fun… didn’t we”!
Or,
“Hey, I haven’t heard a ‘Thank You’ yet for all the help I did for you.”
Sometimes you only have a second to choose what to say to your mate.” It takes a lot of practice to get good at doing this consistently so make sure you do your time in the woodshed.
Next, click here to discover the next step. It’s the 1 secret ingredient you need to get right when you need to work something out with your mate. Also, let me know what you think in the ‘Comments Section’ below about the woodshed principle — ya think it can help?