There are those evenings when I have no sexless marriage worries – I sleep “per chance to dream” as the old Shakespeare play puts it! In fact, the lead character, Prince Hamlet, of the play “Hamlet” was pondering the after-life. He was wondering about how death would “feel like” – when a sexless marriage can feel like a slow death.
I am going to talk to you a little about how a sexless marriage “feels” from the perspective of a loving husband, and I invite your comments on the topic.
An active, intimate marriage, or the lack of intimacy in your marriage (i.e. sexless marriage) is more than just a symptom of the greater issues in marriage – positive for the former, and negative for the latter. Sexual intimacy in marriage can be the life blood of the relationship, and the source for the passion that can keep marriage alive.
Enjoying your relationship together while happily living out an intimate marriage can make all of the problems seem to go away when the two of you focus on the needs of each other – like a getting a “fix” of pleasure hormones called endorphins, everything feels great and the two of you can conquer any challenge together!
Yet, a “sexless marriage”, even for a short season can feel like a slow death for both a husband and a wife… But, there are issues and problems that get in the way to solving that deathly feeling in your marriage. And, I will share some critical tips to help you reignite your marriage!
One thing to note: My wife and I do not have a sexless marriage – But, that is only a half truth. If we do not continue to work on those things that lull our passions for one another, or simply kill attraction for another… we too could join the ranks of those who are suffering in a sexless marriage.
Reasons for your Sexless Marriage: A quick question
OK. I am not going to exclude the ladies from this next question. Fellas and gals out there, does something like this happen to you when you have worked hard to be intimate with your spouse, and it just seems to fall through the floor? There is a big let down isn’t there?
Even in wonderfully happy and functional marriages it seems that there are things in life that make fulfilling each others sexual needs so difficult to make happen. Somethings can simply make one or both partners in the marriage avoiders of intimacy with the other spouse. I will show you some simple to do things that can solve these intimacy problems and even help an sex-avoiding spouse change their tune.
So your frustrated in your Sexless Marriage. Now What?
OK, so in contrast to those blissful times of marriage… There are those evenings when I wake up from dreamless, sound sleep in bed with my wife, because… things did not work out for us to be intimate together when we went to bed.
This is the pain of just one missed opportunity… multiply the frustration of each night in a row that ended up like that…
And, that may be a pretty good estimate of the frustration you are feeling in the extended period of time since both of you were intimate in your marriage. This is too important to put off for even one more day. You need to stop the frustration a sexless marriage feels like, Now!
OK. I know that that sounds a bit dramatic, but the truth is there is some kind of hormonal and chemical misfiring going on when things do not work out for intimacy – especially when you have worked hard to try to make it happen! When it comes to feeling the effects of a “sexless marriage” there is something strange and mysterious at work her.
And, do not get me wrong here. I am perfectly happy with being married to my beautiful and loving wife. As I suspect you also may have experienced some sleepless nights due to his or her turn down of your proposition for sexual intimacy, even if you still have deep feelings of love for your spouse.
Heck, I count myself lucky to have won my wife’s heart and I will fight with my last breath EVERY single day to continue winning her heart. One of the biggest secrets to making my marriage the success that it is is that daily, I wake up and choose Sarah as my bride. I think about our vows together – the life-long promises I made to her almost 8 years ago standing together at sunset on the Gulf Shore of Florida.
I love this woman!
Sex revitalizes a slipping relationship that is suffering from the disjointed pains of daily pressures and stresses and…There are things that a husband and wife can do for each other to jump-start the fires of passion again! For the committed and caring husband, I have tips that can help you know how to answer your question of how to make my wife want me in our sexless marriage!.
A “sexless marriage” doesn’t have to stay a…
“sexless marriage”!
Solutions for a Sexless Marriage: How to Reignite the Passion in your marriage, when a sexless marriage feels passionless
Remove all distractions and take some time off from stressful responsibilities.
That leads me to my next point. Make your sex life a priority by taking time off to de-stress and get some relaxation and relationship time into your life. Leave the kids with a trusted friend this time and get re-acquainted with each other again.
Getting in shape is a great way to build your healthy sex drive, improve your self body image and to try to turn on your spouse with your improved physique.
Remove all distractions (especially electronic) from your bedroom when it is a good time to be intimate and work on your personal relationship. You can do that by checking out some of the valuable advice and tips for doing just that through the link: Keep Marriage Alive.
Communicate with each other when you are trying to be intimate.
You may be surprised how simple it may be to “jump-start” your sex-life if you just tell each other what little or big thing the spouse might do or say to stimulate the interest of the other spouse who is just not ready yet for intimacy. Communication is 95% of the solution!
Solutions for your Sexless Marriage: The honeymoon is over. Can it be reinstated?
The honeymoon is a time of being alone and focusing on each other as a new married couple. As time goes by, responsibilities and demands on each other get the better of both of you. Come on, this is the norm in our fast-paced society. I imaging that people in the quiet country side have a lot more stamina at the end of the day for sex in their marriages. I could be wrong though. It seems that stress is a big intimacy killer in marriages these days.
Any chance you and your wife can get to have a second honeymoon is a great idea. One idea is to pick a spot where the kids and the family can kick back and have fun. Get completely “tired-out”, and then have the rest of the evening to continue the fun of the day, before crashing yourselves. One thing that you can do is check out good deals on hotels, and travel and try to save big.
One such place is Disneyland, their are many others, but for the sake of this article we’ll talk about Disneyland. Cheap Hotels Near Disneyland, could help you do just that. The internet is a great thing to have at your fingertips, huh! For more help click the link: how spice up your sexless marriage!
Reasons for your Sexless Marriage: The Stress of Raising Kids!
I have worked from home for the last four of our almost eight years of marriage together and I pick up on some of the household needs and in taking care of the kids when I am off from work. The sheer mental fracturing of dealing with kids can be overwhelming. I love my kids, but taking care of their needs, rearing them, and dealing with child disputes (we have four kids) can be exhausting! I sympathize for any parent that takes care of their kids and for why they may not have a sex-drive at the end of the day.
Reasons for your Sexless Marriage: No Longer interested?
Sex for some people becomes less and less of an interest. Marriages that are sexless are so for inexplicable reasons that a spouse cannot seem to explain. The issue is when one spouse still needs that close physical and relational intimacy, while the other spouse who has lost interest does not put forth the needed effort to meet their spouse’s need.
The motivation to work on it even if their is no longer any desire (low sex-hormones, religious stigma, shame from the past, medication side-effect, depression, stress, exhaustion, etc) should be for the sake of their spouse and the marriage.
Simply doing one thing a day that you know your spouse would appreciate would help your avoiding spouse to reconnect with you. Considerate acts that are done through simple initiative and thoughtfulness will gain the attention and affections of an avoiding spouse. Especially if that spouse has felt taken for granted or unappreciated in the past.
Reasons for your Sexless Marriage: Seek Counseling!
It is situations like this that prompt many a frustrated and bewildered spouse suffering from sexual and relational withdrawal symptoms to seek outside help and advice.
Sadly, a perfect example of such a case that begs the question of what are some of the reasons for your sexless marriage, was recently brought to lite in an advice column of “Dr. Ruth Westheimer” I read on the Chicago Tribune website as part of a King Fisher Syndicated Column, in it the sexually distressed spouse who feels taken for granted by her sex withholding husband says, “Q: I have been married to my best friend for 14 years, and we are truly stuck with each other, so to speak, being over 50 and having gone through so much together. But we have no sex life, literally.” (Their marriage has everything accept sex).
She goes on to say, “He was much less experienced than I, not nearly as sexual, and he is close to impotent — his problems with”… (sexless marriage), “erectile dysfunction are so bad that we have given up on everything. He’s just very uptight, and I don’t think he has any idea what good sex is, because we have given it up completely.” (Their marriage has everything accept sex). Dr. Ruth’s answers are to seek counseling and to institute non-sexual touching as a means for rebuilding intimacy and sexual attention for one another. Her advise is well advised.
Well, I hope that the advise on this article will help you in many ways to rebuild the intimacy and sex-life of your marriage. I want both of you to share in the joy, satisfaction, and peace-of-mind that you can have through regaining the vibrancy of your sex-life!
Please comment below and share your thoughts or your story! Add to this community of people who are doing great things to build their sex life up!
References:
I remember it like it was yesterday… I remember her words, clear as day, I should have expected it. I was striking out in bed right and left. Her words were chilling as she said:
Then as I agreed with what she said… my eyes slowly met the piercingly desperate gaze of my fed-up wife.
“So, let me see if I understand what you are saying here…”. I said.
“How to Fix a Sexless Marriage” After Your Wife Pulls Away!
I took a deep breath, and then re-stated the position my wife had…
About how jealous and hurt she felt about being “replaced” by my pursuit of a new business venture – that I had abandoned her and the kids. You get the picture.
I instantly knew that it was all of those things that I wasn’t doing in my marriage that caused her to treat me with what felt like, well,
- cold-indifference
- put-downs, and those most excruciating
- excuses for no more sex
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Bonus: Additional Sex Secrets
“Sexless Marriage”: How to End Sexual Withholding
If you are sick and tired of being on the receiving end of sexual withholding or any other harsh treatment from your wife, then be proactive and follow up on this bad treatment with initiating a conversation with your wife.
This is a conversation based on coming to terms with her that will mark the beginning of your opportunity to turn this unfortunate situation around. It was during this kind of conversation with my wife that got me starting to wonder, “How to make my wife want me again.”
For me, my conversation with my wife was truly a transformational turning point in my marriage – and having the secrets I learned for how to make my wife want me, can be yours to make your wife want you sexually as well.
“Sexless Marriage”: Removing Her Doubt!
As I told my wife about how I would “make those needed changes” she gave me a look that could kill that immediately communicated, in no uncertain terms;
“Hey buddy, you need to back-up what you say.
Prove to me that you mean what you say!”
That’s the look that a man who is serious about saving his marriage and knowing “how to make my wife want me” – must overcome – to in effect “turn her disappointment and emotional upset” into full speed passion.
“Passion that is only for you!”
When you make her trust you she can open up to about any bad things in her past that have caused her to have a problem with sex with you. Also, you can find out if she has had any grudges against you that the two of you can work through.
Being that kind of take-charge husband will make her attracted to you! Another “how to make my wife want me problem solved!”
“Sexless Marriage”: The Priority Principle / A Wife Pulls Away for a Reason!
The important thing is to make those actions and everything involved in those actions a priority in the way you relate to your wife.
Don’t quit being a guy, she will find that weird, as I am sure you would too. Just show your wife that you love her the way she desires to be shown love, and you will be rewarded in more ways than one!
“Sexless Marriage”: “Do it Right or Lose Her was my Creed!”
Often a wife pulls away when her husband wants sex. That is why I have always been concerned about “how to make my wife want me.” OK…, when I was super busy starting my new business, I did slack off in the romance and intimacy department, but that was not the norm.
If you are a husband who feels that he is in a sexless marriage, then for the answer on “how to make my wife want me” check out: how to make my wife want me in our sexless marriage! See you there!